Letter Number Five

{photocredit: unknown}

Dear Avvy,

I miss you like a palm tree misses the sunlight. No joke, and there is actually a story behind that. BUT FIRST.

I gave my testimony last night, and I was no joke so dang nervous. But as we came down from singing Kyle asked me if I would, and I was like, yeah okay. That's cool, because I think I knew in a way that he was going to ask. So then Kyle was like, I'll be praying for you and I was like awh :) thanks. And then he told me that I would be able to help people with my story more than he ever could. And I thought that it was a really sweet thing to say.

So then I was like super nervous about getting up there, but Crestin showed me a verse on his blackberry in Jeremiah I think, and it was SO pretty. And then he told me to be bold, that he had all the confidence in the world that I was going to affect people with my life. And I felt so much better after that. :) So I got up there and talked, and I would tell you what I said, but I honestly have no idea what in the world I said. Seriously. It just all spilled out.

And I am so glad that I did it now. Like I am so happy Av. It feels like the ocean has erupted inside my heart. and you know how I love the ocean. I just wish that you were here to share this with me.

BUT the Bible says in Psalm 37:4

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

And I deeply and truly believe that. Especially when it comes to you. I believe that God can see all the parts of my heart, and I believe that He can see that the biggest desire I have is being more like Him, and next is finding you Av. :) And I trust that someday, hopefully soon, He'll drop you off on my doorstep. That's why I am trying so very hard to be patient. I know God has a plan, and I know that He is getting us ready for each other, and soon, we'll be dancing on rooftops and whatnot.

Av, I want to support your dreams and passions. I want to stand right next to you through the fiercest of storms, I want to get through things with you. But God always comes first. Always. Because how can we be passionate about anything if the maker of the night sky isn't feeling our hearts with fire? And how on earth are we going to stand firm through the storm if the Great Refuge isn't shielding us from the powerful winds? We can't. We'll fall Av. And you know it.

I don't want to fall out of love with you Av. That will be the saddest day of my life.

But, back to the story. Kyle preached a message about the ocean yesterday morning which of course i thought was too cool because it was my first time back at church since being saved. :)

Anyway, he said the ocean was a symbol of how powerful He is. And it can show man how helpless and hopeless he is against an Almighty God. And then he talked about how the sand reminded us that God thinks about us all the time.

Think about it Av. GOD THINKS ABOUT ME. Can you believe that? With all the things that I have done wrong. He thinks about me. Psalm 139:17 & 18 basically says that His thoughts toward me are more numerous than the grains of sand. I am in no way worthy of God's most vilest thoughts, but He thinks the sweetest things about me.

:) He thinks about my dreams, about my life, my thoughts. He thinks about my future, about our future, HE THINKS ABOUT US AVVY. He thinks about the very day will we will meet. He knows the exact place, and the exact time, and the exact way we will meet. :) He'll give us that little stir in our hearts Avvian, that desire to get to know each other, and then the next you know we'll be planning a wedding, and painting a nursery, reading in the park, :) growing old together. DOES THAT NOT BLOW YOUR MIND? Because it totally does mine.

And then Kyle told us about the palm tree. About how it can take the fiercest of storms, and how it can bend and bend and bend until it's touching the ground, but you can come back a couple of days later in the sunlight, and see that has popped right back up and is stretching up to the sun. He told us how much sweeter their fruit is in their old age. AND that palm trees don't break.

I want us to be palm trees Avvian. I want to be able to bend with you through the storms, and I want to grow with you in the SON. :)

I love you.