Letter Number Eight

{Photocredit: Unknown}

10/28/10

Dear Av,

This picture is actually the background on my phone today. Want to know why? It reminds me of you! Like no joke. It reminds me that you are still coming for me and that you are the best reason in the world to resist temptation and wait. AND I love the fact that he’s wearing that ring :) Because it reminds me that you’re mine and you are coming for me.

I’ve started to wear my ring again. I think it really kind of scares a lot of guys off, but that’s okay, because then I know that they are not you. And we both know that I don’t want to be with anyone but you.

Yesterday was Wednesday so it meant no work, but it also meant church, and I love church you know. And I actually have a lot to tell you about so this is a long letter. Two days packed into one.

I found out that my papaw was put in the hospital. They think that he has a kink in his intestine, and they’re going to probably do surgery, but with his heart condition, it’s really risky. Nicole had to go sit with him for eight hours, and I HAD to go do her babysitting job for her. But more on that later.

I went to church, and accidently missed the supper they had, but it was kinda a mixed blessing you know because chili gives me heartburn really bad. So, anyway it was a really nice meeting :) Crestin talked about how God opens and closes doors, and how He puts certain pedestals for Him to show everyone else what He likes :) But he also talked about how dangerous it is for us to be on the top because everyone wants to knock us off. He also mentioned to be careful what you want, because you will always get what you want, but you’ll lose what you got.

So then after church I went to see papaw, but out of the goodness of my heart, I went to get my sister some dinner, because she’d been at the hospital all day. First she yells at me for getting her the wrong drink, complains saying she has a migrane, and then goes as far as to say that she’d been stuck there for eight hours. And that really hurt my feelings Avv. Because I WANTED to be there ya’ know. But where was I? Doing her babysitting job. Taking care of the kids. It made me so mad, and she didn’t even offer to pay me back for her food. And I didn’t even get to see him. During all that, I didn’t get to see him.

So I took the kids home, and got ready for bed. I got on omegle for a quick chat to uplift someone’s spirit. And this I told this guy that Jesus loved him, and he said to eff Jesus. So we had this big long conversation about the bible and God and whatnot. And then he said...

You: god doesnt shove his finger in to bless and help those who arent his, or who those who are and are not listening

Stranger: i listend friend
Stranger: for 20 years i listened

You: howso

Stranger: i followed his word
Stranger: believed every bit of it
Stranger: and i never felt a single thing for it
Stranger: not a single moment of religious clarity
Stranger: no words from above
Stranger: no divine light
Stranger: no answers when i needed them
Stranger: no comfort when i needed it
Stranger: it was all hollow to me
Stranger: i gave god plenty of time to give a f**k

You: :( that makes me want to cry great buckets of tears.
because you just didn't have something real.
I was like that.
I thought that me and jesus had a relationship for 10 years
You: I just got saved 14 days ago
You: ive never been happier.

Stranger: before you get the wrong idea
Stranger: i didnt just stop listening
Stranger: as i got older
Stranger: learned about the world
Stranger: i just realized it was bulls**t
Stranger: but during my entire youth he had a shot if he is real

You: I wish, that the right person had gotten a hold of you then like they did for me.
You: because it scares me to think about all the people who have religion and no actual jesus,

That’s actual convo material. I don’t know if I thought I could change his mind, I think I just wanted him to think about what he was giving up ya know. So anyways, I cried for this man. I cried for me, because I think I realized for the first time what I could have been without Jesus ya’ know.

Today is Thursday. I have to work 5-9. I also have to go meet with someone over my insurance. I don’t know if I will get to see papaw or not. I hope I do.

I made two new friends. We are just starting to get to know each other. I think that one is still just barely a teenager, but I like talking to her. She thinks I’m cool because I want to be a therapist, and I like that :) She told me last night that she wanted to wait for her future husband, and I loved that :) I wished I would have waited on you Avv. I’m sorry.

Sidenote- if someone tosses a coke can (unopened) at your windshield at 60 mph, you are dead. I learned it on mythbusters. I’m eating lifesavers. The wint o green kind and on the back it says Tastes like zero degrees. So I pop in in my mouth.

Zero degrees tastes good.

I love you Av.