At first, Liesel could not talk. Perhaps it was the sudden bumpiness of love she felt for him. Or had she always loved him? It's likely. Restricted as she was from speaking, she wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to drag her hand across and pull her over. It didn't matter where. Her mouth, her neck, her cheek. Her skin was empty for it, waiting.
the book thief- markus zusak

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Letter Number Twenty-Seven

{photocredit: unknown, editingcredit: mwah(:}

12/30/10

At first, Liesel could not talk. Perhaps it was the sudden bumpiness of love she felt for him. Or had she always loved him? It's likely. Restricted as she was from speaking, she wanted him to kiss her. She wanted him to drag her hand across and pull her over. It didn't matter where. Her mouth, her neck, her cheek. Her skin was empty for it, waiting.
the book thief- markus zusak

Hey there Handsome, (:

I just want to start off by saying that this font, waiting for the sunrise, is total cuteness. (: But, then again, this will look totally normal in your book, so you can’t appreciate this like I can. This picture really kind of reminds me of us, or moreso what I hope we will be or look like, or however you would like to phrase this whole ordeal. Some people say that I can be somewhat dramatic, so I’m totally trying to mellow out for you. I don’t want you to have to be with a drama queen. (; You know what I want to see? I want to wake up to see what your hair looks like in the morning, or to see whether or not your mouth is open, or if you drool in your sleep.

I want to get to know you Av. Problems and all. And I hope like giant jellybeans that you don’t mind me calling you Av. It was the name of a story character, a character that I hope is a lot like you in a lot of ways. But then again, I hope is nothing like you in a lot of ways. I want to get to know you in your truest form, sweetie. Even the rough stuff. I want to know your problems. I want to know all the things that you think is so darn horrible about yourself. The things you think make you weird beyond belief. Because trust me darling, those will probably be one of the things that I love most about you. I hate the way my hair curls, or straightens the complete wrong way. I hate the way I wake up in a complete grouch mood. I hate how long it takes me to get going in the mornings. I hate how long I tend to spend fretting. I hate a lot of things about myself right now. Like my weight. But, as of now, I plan on changing that. My motivation?

YOU(: our wedding, that wonderful dress that I’ve already picked out. (: I know I don’t have to drop 100 pounds for you to love me, but it is something that I want to do for you.

I hope that you don’t mind me not wanting to wear white. I hope that you understand why I have come to this decision in my life, but I want you to be a part of it too, so I promise not to make any permanent decisions until you are here to argue your side (:

New year’s is only hours away, and I will probably be here at this computer tomorrow at the same time (5am) writing out my resolutions. (: I can’t wait to get started. (: I can’t wait to get my life on the right track.

Want to know something Av?

I love you.

I love you so darn much.

I want to know what it’s like to melt under your smile.

And to see you holding our babies. (:

I can’t wait to start my life with you Avvian.
p.s. there’s 20 days until my birthday.

I’m wishing for you.


Sunday, December 26, 2010

Letter Number Twenty-Six



{photocredit:unknown}

12/25/10

Dear Avvian, (:

Can I just tell you that I miss you like the Dickens? Is that really a possible thing? I just mean that we never met. Is it possible to miss you yet? Either way, I totally wish you were here.

So, (: I totally got a kindle for Christmas, and I it’s pretty darn schweet. Take that. (: I hope you got some pretty stellar gifts this year. And maybe you think you’re too old for that, I don’t know. What I really hope above all else is that you, My darling, Did not spend your Christmastime alone. I don’t EVER want that for you.


I worry about you my dear. I worry that you’ve had a difficult life. I worry that I don’t even know what to say. I just worry. I only want the best for you and you are SO not getting the best when you have me. And I worry that you aren’t going to be able to be happy with me. I’m not happy with who I am right now Av. And I cannot help but to think that this fallback phase that I’m in is keeping us apart. AND I hate that thought. I just want to be with you. More than anything. When is it going to happen for us. When I’m 19? 20? 25?

It would kill my spirits to have to wait until I’m 25 to meet you. I want to already get to know you. I want to hold your hand. I want to be able to make you smile. And wake up next to you. And tell you stories (: and call to check up on you when you’re away.

I want to look at our children and see you grinning through their little smiles. I want them to look just like you. I want to watch them squeal as you chase them around the house. (: I can’t wait to be in the kitchen cooking (: and to have you stop in dig around in the food that you shouldn’t be touching yet (;

I can’t wait for Christmas shaped sugar cookies, and easter baskets, and stockings (: I have this book Av. And I totally snatched it up. It’s called the BIG PICTURE BOOK of JESUS. And I’m pretty for positive that they don’t even sell it anymore it’s so old. And dad always used to read it to me before bed. There’s totally a whole page missing. But I got it, because I really want to read it to our kids. And that is one tradition from my family that I want to continue.

(: I can’t wait to start making traditions with you.

I love you Av.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Letter Number Twenty-Five



{photocredit: Unknown}
12/24/10

Dear Avvian, (:

My darling, I miss you so. And I cannot wait for the day when we get ro spend this day together. (: and I totally want to make traditions with you. I want to pick and decide things that we plan on doing together for our kids. :)

Like I totally want to buy our children Christmas pajammies :), so they can open them on Christmas Eve. And I want to watch Christmas movies on Christmas Adam. (: I want want to do dorky things with you :) I want to be woke up Christmas morning to overlyexcited children jumping on our bed. I want to look at you and just want to cry I'm so happy. I am so ready to be with you.

I am so ready to be yours. I'm ready to move out. I am ready to just... be with you.
I know that I keep saying that and I know that it really must get annoying but it's true .

I love you Av.
And wherever you are,
I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Letter Number Twenty-Four

Dear Avvian, (:

This is totally the font that I plan on using for your rough draft letters. Because this font, my darling, is too cool for school. It is simply beautiful. It reminds me of us, and I like that. I wish so badly that you were here. I wish so badly that I could hold your hand. I wish I could see your hand-writing. I hope it's not uber sloppy, (; but, I'll be okay with it if it is and you know it.

I can't believe how 'in-love' we are going to be one day. And I just wanted to let you know that I do want to be married to you. I do. I do. (: It sounds nice to say that. I hope that you understand the reasons I have for not wanting a big wedding, the reasons I have for not wanting a big dress, for not wanting a normal one. I hope you are not offended by the choices that I cannot change. Of the things and reasoning that comes behind the choices.

Sometimes when I come this spot, when I come to this point in the page, I find myself staring at the blinking cursor. Because, I have no idea what to say. I want to lay down and watch videos with you. I want to feel your fingers playing with my hair, and I want to listen to your breathing. I want to giggle, and talk, and hold hands. I want to know what it feels like to have your fingers laced with mine. How in the world have we not met yet is all I have to ask.

I want you here

and I want you now.

I want to spend Christmas with you Avv. So Bad. I want to buy you the things that you would never buy for yourself, but still secretly want. :) I want to start traditions with you. I want to drink hot chocolate with you and watch frosty, rudolph, and the grinch. I want to wake up on Christmas morning to see your face. That is the best kind of present.

I want to make you breakfast, and I want to make you a stocking. :)

I really do.

Come home to me please.

I don't know how much longer I can wait.

I love you.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Letter Number Twenty-three: The Great Snakehunt


Just because this actually happened to me :)


6/11/10

Hello Out There

I hope you are somewhere out there chilling in your jammies with a cup of hot tea, just like me. Because honestly this is great. Other than the snake part of my night. Snakes are weird and major creepy. And I know that this is mean, but I just wish that these retards that mess with these snakes would get bit. Okay so now I have to tell you about Wednesday. Here I am, exhausted, trying to rack up a few precious hours of sleep before the directtv guy shows up. Of course mom wakes me up at 8 to wait on him.. he didnt get there until after 11. So Im upstairs trying to stay out of the guys way, when he comes upstairs and says..


Mr. Direct man: Emily.

And I was like.. um yeah?

Mr. Direct man: Do you have a pet snake?

Me: ... noooo.

Mr. Direct man: um, well, did you know you have a snake in your basement?

Me: Excuse me?

Mr. Direct man: you have a snake in your basement.

Me: One more time. (I could hear him.. I think.)

Mr. Direct man: there is a snake down there.

Me: OH MY... Jesus take the wheel.. umm.. no I sure didnt know that.

Mr. Direct man: oh well yeah you do. Hes a big one.

Me: oh Jesus help me. Well thanks for telling me.


So, not knowing what to do, I call dad while Mr. Direct man goes outside to rig up some capturing mechanism. So I tell dad and he says that he'
ll take care of it.. when he gets home. And the only thing he requests is to not tell mom under any circumstance. So all is well and good. He couldnt catch the snake, but it crawled under the bathtub where it couldnt hurt anyone. So here I am.. all okay and what not.. and then Mr. Direct man walks upstairs.


Mr. Direct man: Emily?

Me: yes?

Mr. Direct man: um you know that snake?

Me: um, yeah did it come back?

Mr. Direct man: maybe.

Me: maybe?

Mr. Direct man: well it was either that one or another one.

Me: (squeeking) another one?

Mr. Direct man: Yeah

Me: Where is it?

Mr. Direct man: in the ceiling over your closet.

Me: WHAT?!?!

Mr. Direct man: Oh yeah, I tried to get it, but I couldnt

Me: Oh MY GOSH! SPAWN OF SATAN. GET THEE HENCE.

Mr. Direct man: (looking at me weird) um.. I think you need to know something worse.

Me: What could be worse?

Mr. Direct man: Well there is a hole in your ceiling the size of its head, and well it can squeeze through anywhere its head can.

ME: ... anything else bearer of bad news?

Mr. Direct man: well...

Me: Yes?

Mr. Direct man: Its pretty fat.. theres a large possibility that it is pregnant.

Me: *o* ( that was my face. Literally)


Good news though. He also said that my room was way too cold for the snake to even bother. But I swear, if that thing crawls its way into bed with me.. im moving out. HAHA (:

Just so everyone knows, I have to be up, showered, make-uped, beautiful, and on the road by 7:30am. And I was like... whoa nelly, hold the horse! So, its 2am and I think I'm getting up at 5:30. No biggie I don't need sleep. Haha. What in the world is going on tomorrow you might ask… My sister Katie is performing at cheerleading camp, and me and Nicole get the gift of going to pick her up at Tennessee Tech. You think that I am complaining, but I assure you that is not the case. Im excited. Like no joke. Basically for four reasons. 1. I love to travel. (like no kidding man. Just getting in the car and going somewhere makes my day. I couldnt be happier.) 2. One word. STARBUCKS! (yum) 3. Taco bell (: 4. I dont have to spend all day cleaning. (:

So basically other than the giant snake holing up in my ceiling, its been a great week and now Im prepared to start a brand new week.

Letter Number Twenty-two: The Velveteen Rabbit

{photocredit: ?}

12/15/10

My Precious One,

I'll go as far as to believe that it has been an awfully long time since you've read The Velveteen Rabbit, if ever at all. So, I think that it is important that I include it in. Highlighting my favorite parts.

The Velveteen Rabbit
By: Margery Williams

There was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid. He was fat and bunchy, as a rabbit should be; his coat was spotted brown and white, he had real thread whiskers, and his ears were lined with pink sateen. On Christmas morning, when he sat wedged in the top of the Boy's stocking, with a sprig of holly between his paws, the effect was charming.

There were other things in the stocking, nuts and oranges and a toy engine, and chocolate almonds and a clockwork mouse, but the Rabbit was quite the best of all. For at least two hours the Boy loved him, and then Aunts and Uncles came to dinner, and there was a great rustling of tissue paper and unwrapping of parcels, and in the excitement of looking at all the new presents the Velveteen Rabbit was forgotten.

Christmas Morning

For a long time he lived in the toy cupboard or on the nursery floor, and no one thought very much about him. He was naturally shy, and being only made of velveteen, some of the more expensive toys quite snubbed him. The mechanical toys were very superior, and looked down upon every one else; they were full of modern ideas, and pretended they were real. The model boat, who had lived through two seasons and lost most of his paint, caught the tone from them and never missed an opportunity of referring to his rigging in technical terms. The Rabbit could not claim to be a model of anything, for he didn't know that real rabbits existed; he thought they were all stuffed with sawdust like himself, and he understood that sawdust was quite out-of-date and should never be mentioned in modern circles. Even Timothy, the jointed wooden lion, who was made by the disabled soldiers, and should have had broader views, put on airs and pretended he was connected with Government. Between them all the poor little Rabbit was made to feel himself very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him at all was the Skin Horse.

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.


The Skin Horse Tells His Story

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him.

There was a person called Nana who ruled the nursery. Sometimes she took no notice of the playthings lying about, and sometimes, for no reason whatever, she went swooping about like a great wind and hustled them away in cupboards. She called this "tidying up," and the playthings all hated it, especially the tin ones. The Rabbit didn't mind it so much, for wherever he was thrown he came down soft.

One evening, when the Boy was going to bed, he couldn't find the china dog that always slept with him. Nana was in a hurry, and it was too much trouble to hunt for china dogs at bedtime, so she simply looked about her, and seeing that the toy cupboard door stood open, she made a swoop.

"Here," she said, "take your old Bunny! He'll do to sleep with you!" And she dragged the Rabbit out by one ear, and put him into the Boy's arms.

That night, and for many nights after, the Velveteen Rabbit slept in the Boy's bed. At first he found it rather uncomfortable, for the Boy hugged him very tight, and sometimes he rolled over on him, and sometimes he pushed him so far under the pillow that the Rabbit could scarcely breathe. And he missed, too, those long moonlight hours in the nursery, when all the house was silent, and his talks with the Skin Horse. But very soon he grew to like it, for the Boy used to talk to him, and made nice tunnels for him under the bedclothes that he said were like the burrows the real rabbits lived in. And they had splendid games together, in whispers, when Nana had gone away to her supper and left the night-light burning on the mantelpiece. And when the Boy dropped off to sleep, the Rabbit would snuggle down close under his little warm chin and dream, with the Boy's hands clasped close round him all night long.

And so time went on, and the little Rabbit was very happy–so happy that he never noticed how his beautiful velveteen fur was getting shabbier and shabbier, and his tail becoming unsewn, and all the pink rubbed off his nose where the Boy had kissed him.

Spring came, and they had long days in the garden, for wherever the Boy went the Rabbit went too. He had rides in the wheelbarrow, and picnics on the grass, and lovely fairy huts built for him under the raspberry canes behind the flower border. And once, when the Boy was called away suddenly to go out to tea, the Rabbit was left out on the lawn until long after dusk, and Nana had to come and look for him with the candle because the Boy couldn't go to sleep unless he was there. He was wet through with the dew and quite earthy from diving into the burrows the Boy had made for him in the flower bed, and Nana grumbled as she rubbed him off with a corner of her apron.

Spring Time

"You must have your old Bunny!" she said. "Fancy all that fuss for a toy!"

The Boy sat up in bed and stretched out his hands.

"Give me my Bunny!" he said. "You mustn't say that. He isn't a toy. He's REAL!"

When the little Rabbit heard that he was happy, for he knew that what the Skin Horse had said was true at last. The nursery magic had happened to him, and he was a toy no longer. He was Real. The Boy himself had said it.

That night he was almost too happy to sleep, and so much love stirred in his little sawdust heart that it almost burst. And into his boot-button eyes, that had long ago lost their polish, there came a look of wisdom and beauty, so that even Nana noticed it next morning when she picked him up, and said, "I declare if that old Bunny hasn't got quite a knowing expression!"

That was a wonderful Summer!

Near the house where they lived there was a wood, and in the long June evenings the Boy liked to go there after tea to play. He took the Velveteen Rabbit with him, and before he wandered off to pick flowers, or play at brigands among the trees, he always made the Rabbit a little nest somewhere among the bracken, where he would be quite cosy, for he was a kind-hearted little boy and he liked Bunny to be comfortable. One evening, while the Rabbit was lying there alone, watching the ants that ran to and fro between his velvet paws in the grass, he saw two strange beings creep out of the tall bracken near him.

They were rabbits like himself, but quite furry and brand-new. They must have been very well made, for their seams didn't show at all, and they changed shape in a queer way when they moved; one minute they were long and thin and the next minute fat and bunchy, instead of always staying the same like he did. Their feet padded softly on the ground, and they crept quite close to him, twitching their noses, while the Rabbit stared hard to see which side the clockwork stuck out, for he knew that people who jump generally have something to wind them up. But he couldn't see it. They were evidently a new kind of rabbit altogether.

Summer Days

They stared at him, and the little Rabbit stared back. And all the time their noses twitched.

"Why don't you get up and play with us?" one of them asked.

"I don't feel like it," said the Rabbit, for he didn't want to explain that he had no clockwork.

"Ho!" said the furry rabbit. "It's as easy as anything," And he gave a big hop sideways and stood on his hind legs.

"I don't believe you can!" he said.

"I can!" said the little Rabbit. "I can jump higher than anything!" He meant when the Boy threw him, but of course he didn't want to say so.

"Can you hop on your hind legs?" asked the furry rabbit.

That was a dreadful question, for the Velveteen Rabbit had no hind legs at all! The back of him was made all in one piece, like a pincushion. He sat still in the bracken, and hoped that the other rabbits wouldn't notice.

"I don't want to!" he said again.

But the wild rabbits have very sharp eyes. And this one stretched out his neck and looked.

"He hasn't got any hind legs!" he called out. "Fancy a rabbit without any hind legs!" And he began to laugh.

"I have!" cried the little Rabbit. "I have got hind legs! I am sitting on them!"

"Then stretch them out and show me, like this!" said the wild rabbit. And he began to whirl round and dance, till the little Rabbit got quite dizzy.

"I don't like dancing," he said. "I'd rather sit still!"

But all the while he was longing to dance, for a funny new tickly feeling ran through him, and he felt he would give anything in the world to be able to jump about like these rabbits did.

The strange rabbit stopped dancing, and came quite close. He came so close this time that his long whiskers brushed the Velveteen Rabbit's ear, and then he wrinkled his nose suddenly and flattened his ears and jumped backwards.

"He doesn't smell right!" he exclaimed. "He isn't a rabbit at all! He isn't real!"

"I am Real!" said the little Rabbit. "I am Real! The Boy said so!" And he nearly began to cry.

Just then there was a sound of footsteps, and the Boy ran past near them, and with a stamp of feet and a flash of white tails the two strange rabbits disappeared.

"Come back and play with me!" called the little Rabbit. "Oh, do come back! I know I am Real!"

But there was no answer, only the little ants ran to and fro, and the bracken swayed gently where the two strangers had passed. The Velveteen Rabbit was all alone.

"Oh, dear!" he thought. "Why did they run away like that? Why couldn't they stop and talk to me?"

For a long time he lay very still, watching the bracken, and hoping that they would come back. But they never returned, and presently the sun sank lower and the little white moths fluttered out, and the Boy came and carried him home.

Weeks passed, and the little Rabbit grew very old and shabby, but the Boy loved him just as much. He loved him so hard that he loved all his whiskers off, and the pink lining to his ears turned grey, and his brown spots faded. He even began to lose his shape, and he scarcely looked like a rabbit any more, except to the Boy. To him he was always beautiful, and that was all that the little Rabbit cared about. He didn't mind how he looked to other people, because the nursery magic had made him Real, and when you are Real shabbiness doesn't matter.

And then, one day, the Boy was ill.

His face grew very flushed, and he talked in his sleep, and his little body was so hot that it burned the Rabbit when he held him close. Strange people came and went in the nursery, and a light burned all night and through it all the little Velveteen Rabbit lay there, hidden from sight under the bedclothes, and he never stirred, for he was afraid that if they found him some one might take him away, and he knew that the Boy needed him.

It was a long weary time, for the Boy was too ill to play, and the little Rabbit found it rather dull with nothing to do all day long. But he snuggled down patiently, and looked forward to the time when the Boy should be well again, and they would go out in the garden amongst the flowers and the butterflies and play splendid games in the raspberry thicket like they used to. All sorts of delightful things he planned, and while the Boy lay half asleep he crept up close to the pillow and whispered them in his ear. And presently the fever turned, and the Boy got better. He was able to sit up in bed and look at picture-books, while the little Rabbit cuddled close at his side. And one day, they let him get up and dress.

It was a bright, sunny morning, and the windows stood wide open. They had carried the Boy out on to the balcony, wrapped in a shawl, and the little Rabbit lay tangled up among the bedclothes, thinking.

The Boy was going to the seaside to-morrow. Everything was arranged, and now it only remained to carry out the doctor's orders. They talked about it all, while the little Rabbit lay under the bedclothes, with just his head peeping out, and listened. The room was to be disinfected, and all the books and toys that the Boy had played with in bed must be burnt.

"Hurrah!" thought the little Rabbit. "To-morrow we shall go to the seaside!" For the boy had often talked of the seaside, and he wanted very much to see the big waves coming in, and the tiny crabs, and the sand castles.

Just then Nana caught sight of him.

"How about his old Bunny?" she asked.

"That?" said the doctor. "Why, it's a mass of scarlet fever germs!–Burn it at once. What? Nonsense! Get him a new one. He mustn't have that any more!"

Anxious Times

And so the little Rabbit was put into a sack with the old picture-books and a lot of rubbish, and carried out to the end of the garden behind the fowl-house. That was a fine place to make a bonfire, only the gardener was too busy just then to attend to it. He had the potatoes to dig and the green peas to gather, but next morning he promised to come quite early and burn the whole lot.

That night the Boy slept in a different bedroom, and he had a new bunny to sleep with him. It was a splendid bunny, all white plush with real glass eyes, but the Boy was too excited to care very much about it. For to-morrow he was going to the seaside, and that in itself was such a wonderful thing that he could think of nothing else.

And while the Boy was asleep, dreaming of the seaside, the little Rabbit lay among the old picture-books in the corner behind the fowl-house, and he felt very lonely. The sack had been left untied, and so by wriggling a bit he was able to get his head through the opening and look out. He was shivering a little, for he had always been used to sleeping in a proper bed, and by this time his coat had worn so thin and threadbare from hugging that it was no longer any protection to him. Near by he could see the thicket of raspberry canes, growing tall and close like a tropical jungle, in whose shadow he had played with the Boy on bygone mornings. He thought of those long sunlit hours in the garden–how happy they were–and a great sadness came over him. He seemed to see them all pass before him, each more beautiful than the other, the fairy huts in the flower-bed, the quiet evenings in the wood when he lay in the bracken and the little ants ran over his paws; the wonderful day when he first knew that he was Real. He thought of the Skin Horse, so wise and gentle, and all that he had told him. Of what use was it to be loved and lose one's beauty and become Real if it all ended like this? And a tear, a real tear, trickled down his little shabby velvet nose and fell to the ground.

And then a strange thing happened. For where the tear had fallen a flower grew out of the ground, a mysterious flower, not at all like any that grew in the garden. It had slender green leaves the colour of emeralds, and in the centre of the leaves a blossom like a golden cup. It was so beautiful that the little Rabbit forgot to cry, and just lay there watching it. And presently the blossom opened, and out of it there stepped a fairy.

She was quite the loveliest fairy in the whole world. Her dress was of pearl and dew-drops, and there were flowers round her neck and in her hair, and her face was like the most perfect flower of all. And she came close to the little Rabbit and gathered him up in her arms and kissed him on his velveteen nose that was all damp from crying.

"Little Rabbit," she said, "don't you know who I am?"

The Rabbit looked up at her, and it seemed to him that he had seen her face before, but he couldn't think where.

"I am the nursery magic Fairy," she said. "I take care of all the playthings that the children have loved. When they are old and worn out and the children don't need them any more, then I come and take them away with me and turn them into Real."

"Wasn't I Real before?" asked the little Rabbit.

"You were Real to the Boy," the Fairy said, "because he loved you. Now you shall be Real to every one."

The Fairy Flower

And she held the little Rabbit close in her arms and flew with him into the wood.

It was light now, for the moon had risen. All the forest was beautiful, and the fronds of the bracken shone like frosted silver. In the open glade between the tree-trunks the wild rabbits danced with their shadows on the velvet grass, but when they saw the Fairy they all stopped dancing and stood round in a ring to stare at her.

"I've brought you a new playfellow," the Fairy said. "You must be very kind to him and teach him all he needs to know in Rabbit-land, for he is going to live with you for ever and ever!"

And she kissed the little Rabbit again and put him down on the grass.

"Run and play, little Rabbit!" she said.

But the little Rabbit sat quite still for a moment and never moved. For when he saw all the wild rabbits dancing around him he suddenly remembered about his hind legs, and he didn't want them to see that he was made all in one piece. He did not know that when the Fairy kissed him that last time she had changed him altogether. And he might have sat there a long time, too shy to move, if just then something hadn't tickled his nose, and before he thought what he was doing he lifted his hind toe to scratch it.

And he found that he actually had hind legs! Instead of dingy velveteen he had brown fur, soft and shiny, his ears twitched by themselves, and his whiskers were so long that they brushed the grass. He gave one leap and the joy of using those hind legs was so great that he went springing about the turf on them, jumping sideways and whirling round as the others did, and he grew so excited that when at last he did stop to look for the Fairy she had gone.

He was a Real Rabbit at last, at home with the other rabbits.

At Last! At Last!

Autumn passed and Winter, and in the Spring, when the days grew warm and sunny, the Boy went out to play in the wood behind the house. And while he was playing, two rabbits crept out from the bracken and peeped at him. One of them was brown all over, but the other had strange markings under his fur, as though long ago he had been spotted, and the spots still showed through. And about his little soft nose and his round black eyes there was something familiar, so that the Boy thought to himself:

"Why, he looks just like my old Bunny that was lost when I had scarlet fever!"

But he never knew that it really was his own Bunny, come back to look at the child who had first helped him to be Real.


It'll be easy to spot my favorite parts. They should be set apart well. I hope you look back over them. Because they are the parts of the story that stood out to me. The parts that meant the most.

I love you Av.
And I want to help you stay real.

Letter Number Twenty-one: Christmas Trees & Broken Wings


{Photocredit: ...?}
12/15/10

"Us elves like to stick to the four main food groups. Candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."
♥elf

My most beautiful Avvian,

Have you ever just wanted to look up into a Christmas tree? (: It's so beautiful, the lights, the colors, the shapes, it's what makes Christmas really real to me. It's like, since I can see the tree, since I can feel the colors on my face, since I can touch the ornaments, then Christmas is really coming. :)

We have this crazy thing around my house where like... the WHOLE house gets decorated for Christmas. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. We have like eight tubs of decorations, excluding the trees. And to tell you the truth.. I kind of hope that you are not that crazy about Christmas, I mean like maybe, one day, like after we have kids, but not before. :) I don't mind decorating a little, a few decorations, a massive tree, but that's all. And you are SO helping take them down.

You know what I hate with a passion though? I hate not knowing what I got. I hate not being able to have x-ray vision and see through the box, I hate having to wait. You know better than anyone (other than Courtney) how hard it is for me to wait for things. And often I find myself trying to figure out what the gift is before I open it. I think that for me, Christmas is as much about the investigation as the actual gift.

I'll bet you didn't know that there is in fact two letters in front of this that I have temporarily lost for the time being. I will post them as I find them (: They were short letters, nothing of consequence, but letters all the same. Which leads me primarily to the second point of this letter. The part about broken wings.

Broken wings can mean two whole things. One, a childhood, one broken childhood. And two, a butterfly. This is mostly about a butterfly. A story of a butterfly.

This butterfly has been a little battered, it has been a little bruised, not physical bruises of course. Not a butterfly who has been beaten in any physical way. But inside she's broken. She's known all kinds of pain. The brief kind, the one that comes and goes, the one that stays a while, burrowed. She knows the type the burns, the type the freezes, the type that sears through, the type that numbs. She's felt the last one for a long time.

A numb butterfly. She's listened to her parents fight for eighteen years, people have walked out, and they've lied, and they've broken. Together, they have burned everything she once held dear. They have squashed her desires, and stolen her dreams. But this butterfly has a hope, much like the one she found at the dollar tree that had only one wing, she is repairable, and she's hiding her wings until she needs them.

I'm waiting to use my wings for you.
Come, please give me the strength to fly.
I want you here now Av.
I love you.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Letter Number Twenty

{Photocredit: A wise one}

12/2/10

Dear Av,

I won’t lie. I’m a little broken right now. And as you know, I try not to use names. Well, male ones, because you really could be who I’m talking about and I don’t want to you to think that I think awful things about you all the time because I don’t. Does this make sense? But today I have to throw caution to the wind and tell you about this. I have to get this out.

Darren Tyler Duncan is about to rip my heart in half.

I don’t know if you’re him, but I have to get this out.


He’s changed so much, but to tell him that would be like telling him that he’s growing another head or something. I won’t lie to you my dear, I don’t like who he has become. I don’t like his girlfriend. I don’t like that they’ve already been all over each other. I don’t like that he’s not thinking of his wife. He’s grouchy and moody and defensive. He won’t tell me anything anymore. He won’t even make an effort to see me. Which hurts me. He’ll go days and weeks without so much as saying hi. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I try to pray for him, but it seems like every time I do, he’ll end up saying or doing something to hurt me.

And really, not gossiping, but judging by his fruit, I don’t think he’s really saved.

I’m so tired of getting hurt Av. I really am. I don’t know what to do. I cry all the time now.

And maybe he is you. And you’re reading this now, and feeling awful for what you did,

I just want you to understand; that the only thing I want for Tyler Duncan is for him to get better.

Why can’t he see that?

Everyone else does.

Letter Number Nineteen

December 1, 2010

My Darling,

Look at all those feathers. (: They’re so cute, and her feet are all covered up in sand. And do you see that blue behind her? Because I’m pretty positive that it’s supposed to be the ocean. And I love the ocean as you know very well by now. I feel horrible for the neglect, the last few weeks of November, and the only way I can explain is by saying that it was a super hard month, and also with a hidden letter.


This is not a hidden letter, but there will be one soon, I assure you.

I think after like 300 pages, I’ll get this thing printed and start another, but then again, maybe I will have met you by then and no more letters will be needed, because you will be right there in tangible form to laugh, and play, and giggle, and share all my secrets with.

But really when it all boils down to it, this is a letter about rocks. I know what you’re thinking, rocks? Get real Em; let’s talk about something good for a change.

So, my darling, I tell you with all respect to shut it, and listen.

So, when we went to Ohio the weekend before last, Crestin did a message on rocks. And He had every person come by and get a rock out of a box. So we sat there with a moment with our rock in our hands, wondering what in the world Crestin Burke was about to do, I mean, matches in Virginia and rocks in Ohio? What was going on?

And then he read this verse…

“And he took his staff in his hand, and chose him five smooth stones out of the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag which he had, even a scrip; and his sling was in his hand: and he drew near to the Philistine.” 1 Samuel 17:40

Which is all about David and Goliath. A totally overheard story in many eyes.

He begins with something very similar to this: Imagine your life as this little rock. Floating along down the brook of life, and being tossed and tumbled about. And he explained that the rock in the brook was the life of the unbeliever, the one who wanted nothing to do with God. And then you get saved, and God reaches down to get you in the stream and He places you so gently in His shepherd’s bag. And you know that you are saved and going to Heaven. This is all well and good, but he goes on to explain that many Christians never make it out of the bag again.


And you think… WHO would want to be out of that bag? So, I will explain a tad bit better.

And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang it, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.” 1 Samuel 17:49


So here is the totally stellar part that will rock your socks off. God reaches into that bag, into that safe place, and He takes out a stone. And He looks at that stone and says are you ready? Places it gently into His sling, winds up, and slays the giant.

Did you know, that we were meant to slay giants in His name? That each of us has a very specific one to slay, and if we refuse, then God will just leave us in that bag? I mean yeah, we’ll go to heaven, but really, who wants to look at God and say, “I didn’t do anything for you Lord, but here I am.”

:( That would break my heart to have to say to him.


I love you Av, and I want so desperately to help you slay your giant.


Love,

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Letter Number Eightteen

11/30/10

Dear Avvian,

This is technically the LAST fall picture that I can use, because really, it’s not really fall anymore. It’s more like… WINTER.

Trust me, those dropping temperatures don’t mean that it’s fall. It means get ready Hilda, the snow is coming. Fact: When I went to my car this morning, it was iced over and it was spitting snow.

This makes me wonder if you have to deal with things like snow. That sounds really stupid when I read it over to myself, but I do. Does it snow where you are? There are just so many darn things that I do not know. And that is just not cool. Because I think, if I knew a bit more, I would totally facebook stalk you. Because I’m weird like that. I would want to know what you were into and what you thought was important.

Do you enjoy reading? I wonder. Because in winter, there is nothing that I love more than reading a nice long book. I have to warn you though. I am an emotional reader.

It’s so difficult for me not knowing what it is that you like. It makes things hard for me to imagine. In a lot of ways, I wish I already knew so I could compromise if needed, but I still want you to be a surprise. I want to know what charities you support, and what your dream job is, and if you are working on it now. I wonder what you want to do in the world. I want to know what kind of change you want to be able to make.

I wonder what kind of Godly man you will be. The one who goes to church and gets excited or the one who goes excited. (:

I want to know you Av.

So hurry home to me please.

Love,

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Letter of Worship

{photocredit: widely unknown}
11/5/10
My precious one,

This is a letter about worship. :)

Not the kind of worship you find in stores on cd’s.

That kind of worship simply won’t do here. Want to know why? Because those CD’s basically say well if you listen and sing these songs, you are worshiping God.

But I believe that is a lie. You cannot sing about someone you don’t really know.

So, dear Av, this is a letter about real worship.

What is worship?

I have pondered so much on this question. What is worship? Most of the people who told me what they thought worship was, only really mentioned what it looks like.

Eyes closed, hands in the air, gently swaying back and forth to the music as the words to an acoustic song pour out of the mouth.

Some say it is motion, like dancing.

Some tell me it’s the way you speak in tongues.

Some explain worship by describing running around and jumping and screaming.

And who am I to say that none of this is pleasing in the eye of God? For I know not His mind, nor do I know His heart.

But none of this is worship to me.

I believe that each person worships God in their own way, and I believe that a lot of times, people don’t worship the same way.

Sometimes, worship for me comes in the car when I’m driving down the road, and I have one of my CD’s in.

Sometimes, worship comes to me while I’m at church, singing with the youth.

A lot of times, worship comes to me right here, on the very pages of your letters.

Worship comes to me when I read the swirls of beautiful lines of His Holy Word.

Sometimes, I am seated.
Sometimes, my hands are raised.
Sometimes, I’m on my knees.

I don’t believe that worship is visible, so in reality, none of the above define it.
I believe that true and pure worship is something you can only feel in your heart. And I believe that the above actions happen as a direct reaction to this feeling in your heart.

Worship is a twinge, a realization, a proclamation that Holy God is so much bigger than you, that you do not deserve His love, yet you are His.

I believe that worship is the way we love Him back.

I believe that it is the thank you that we owe Him.

I believe that worship is the way He takes our hearts and makes them a little more like His.

Someone told me that they hated it when worship was over. And that really confused me.

How can worship be over? I ask. and they sent me a message back and say ya’ know, at the end of the service.

This totally broke my heart. Because worship doesn’t have to ever be over. Worship can last all day, all week, all month, all year.
Worship is creative like that. It doesn’t have to end, that feeling never has to go away.


More and more I am learning that, and leaning on that truth. I want to be in worship mode 24/7. I want to always have God on my mind. I want to always be surrounded by the overwhelming feeling that only loving Him can bring.


You want to know about a tragedy? More serious than 9/11? More devastating the starving children in Haiti?
Empty Worship.

Worship is that special time where we can be completely awed, amazed, and floored and attempt telling Him all this, but not knowing where to begin. :)

You know what I desire Av? I want to be ready for worship when a tragedy shakes up my world. I want to be ready to fall on the floor and worship God when I’m hurting so bad that I cannot handle anything else in the world. I want to be ready for Him. I want to show the devil that I’m stronger than anything that he can throw. I long for that worship that is going to break my heart. When all I can do is lay there and cry out to God for comfort. And comfort will come. Because Jesus is the Almighty Comforter. And He loves me.

“Sorrow and worship are not exclusive. In fact, sometimes they move through our hearts so tightly bound that we can’t pull them apart...
Worship reminds us that this isn’t the end of the story. This isn’t even the best part of the story. The song we sing facedown on the ground through tears, in the mud and with broken hearts is just the beginning of a symphony that is building, rising and swelling into eternity.”
(p. 163 Paperdoll- Natalie Lloyd)

I like that quote :)

I don’t want to be a paper doll with a wardrobe of tab on faith. I want myself to be the real deal. I want the whole package. I want the love of God to flood my heart and fill my water pots. I want it to flow over off into the lives of everyone I see. I want people to be able to look at me and see God. I want them to see I’m real. Not just another paper heart out on parade. I don’t want to host paper tea parties, with all of my paper doll friends.

Do you want to know why I am so set on being real Av? Because paper dolls melt in the rain.

When the rain comes, I want to be ready. Strong and flexible, like the palm trees.

And I hope you feel like that too.

I want abundant life over a paper facade. Abundant life is scary and intimidating and amazing. You know what I love about Jesus? I love that His kingdom was never about the glitter and glamour. I like how Jesus got in the muck. How He talked to the people the world labeled as outcasts. How He passed up castles and luxury to have dinner with Mary and Martha, How He looked over the important people of that day and called out the little guy in the tree. How he liked to be among his friends. And how He loved His parents, and how He took time out to spend with God the Father.

Jesus understood love.

That is a statement that no one else walking this earth can make. And who am I not to love Him, not to want to give Him my worship? He fought for me once, and still is today. He laid His life down so I could be saved. He says that He will never leave me. Therefore, I have to say that every day, He wins my heart. Repeatedly.

I would say more Av, I could go on forever and ever about how amazing it is to worship God, but it’s like all the words in my head fell into my heart and exploded into a million fragments.

I am so speechless and awed at God right now. :)

I love it.


I love you.



And I love the Master Creator of Worship.